One buck short

Ever woke up one morning asking yourself this question..
" wtf am I doing?"

Yes.. i have those mornings. In fact it span across not only on mornings, but afternoons and nights as well. Heck, miind as well just say the whole damn day.

Feelings are ridiculously over rated. Shytt i cant even spell ridiculus right if my life depends on it.

Sometimes I take pride in knowing i will always do the right thing, if not fully at least partially. But, lately.. I'm not doing that.

What defines right or wrong becomes so vague that I find myself crossing dangerous paths. Paths that are not meant to be taken at the first place.

Many times in life, when people cant find that one thing that they need in one place, and if they waited long enough and still find that they could not get it from that one place, people will subconsciously try to seek it from others.

Heck, im tired of ambiguity. Tired of living behind a shadow. A shadow that is not mine to begin with.

I've tried to make it work. I tried convincing myself that it is worth it. But everytime I try to get closer I feel your cold shoulders moving farther away from me. Why is it that everytime i want to stay you make me feel as if you dont care. But when ever I want to leave, you will make me want to stay? This is cruelty at its best. For nothing hurts more than a broken heart. Heart that was broken then mend then broken again. It gets weaker every single time which each passing by-pass. Its such a strain to be playing these games constantly. Is it too much to ask for a consistency? People find comfort in the familiar, pattern , routine. But i found none as it feels different every time. Please wake me up to my senses for this either has to continue or it has to stop.

Someone please tell me I'm right in thinking this way...