U-turn

Forget about knifes. Some things hurts even more .

It's back to square one, once more.

The what, when and how doesn't matter anymore.

I just need to make it right, once more.

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. To love is to never be vulnerable.

I is healthy (:

Woody Allen said and I'll just quote- 80% of success is showing up.

I think I'm getting there for 1) I showed up for work today. 2) I went to the gym, as planned.

I do not understand why would people succumb themselves to pain. Do they feel better about themselves after torturing their body? Oh well, most probably not. Just dont mind me. This is my way of coping with the after-gym effects. My body is literally crying right now. But it doesnt matter for i feel good.

Full cardio. A full 30 minutes. *Pats self. Pictures to prove a point. (:

Before- filled with energy, ready to go.

After- shaky legs. enough said.

New addiction

First it was to get a red smoking netbook that i dont need because i already have a redilicioud laptop that still serves me well. But the urge was so great that i bought it almost instantenously.

Sold it online 1 week later at a much lower price. That is what happened when you don't think.

Then, comes the influence from my close friend that as ladies, we should really start 'taking care' of ourselves. So, there comes a whole loads of stuffs from BodyShop (mind you these things dont come cheap) and various which covers the whole range of bodycare products that i am dead sure i wont use, but still buy anyway. 3 months later ,the items are all still very much lonely lying on my drawer.

After which, came one of my most complex, heavy, long term, addiction ever. Something that will keep me committed, ground to the floor for many years to come. Enrolling on my MBA.

I wanted to do it so badly that i pushed my application through despite the application date being closed. Life has changed since. Going for classes after a long, tiring, challenging and mind exhausting day at work really takes a whole lot of discipline and perseverance from my end. I wont lie, i admit the thought of just quitting crossed my mind more than once. But i know i'll make it. How i know? I just do. Thats what you do when you take that leap of faith. You persevere.

Now, the reason of this post in the first place.. Introducing my latest addiction- hitting the gym.

I was already thinking about enrolling in Celebrity Fitness but now, now now, we shouldn;t get over excited rite? We've learned our lessons rite? So this time I'll take it easy. Start from the office gym first. But before that, i'll need to get my gears ready. *GRINS* Keep you guys posted of the 'damage' later. Going out now!

The Anyway Friend

WARNING: MASSIVE AMOUNT OF WORDINGS AHEAD.

So i am back to PJ after 5 days and 4 nights in Malacca. What can i say? It was nice to get out of town sometimes, but being home feels great too.

One of the days when i was there, i happen to watch an episode of Private Practice. One of my favorite out of my strings of favorites night TV with the likes of Grey's Anatomy, The Fringe, Gossip Girls and the latest addition- Life Unexpected. So back to the topic, there's this episode in Private Practice whereby Sam made this incredibly emotional wedding toast on the night of his teenage's daughter's wedding. (Well, she got preggers and the logical and right thing to do is to get married, no?) In his toast, Sam speech touches on him being an Anyway Friend to Maya (his teenage daughter).

So what exactly is an anyway friend? An anyway friend is someone who, no matter what is going on, no matter what you do, say or look like, they still love you anyway, they will still be your friend anyway.

I think I am lucky in a sense, for i have met a few anyway friend, who are capable of looking beyond the here and now, and still be my anyway friend. For an instance, if you are following my blog, you will know that I blog about myself and what happens to my life almost 90% of the time. I rarely blog about topics that are controversial or the ones i know could get me more hits. And if you're reading this, you're probably one of the few whom i revealed this personal blog of mine for you to read. You see, i do not really get why certain bloggers in the industry will wear revealing clothes, even to the extend of displaying photos of themselves in their inner wear. But in the end, they get hits. Wonderful hits. They get accepted into NuffNang, and they ended up getting paid a good sum of moolah for blogging. Sigh. How much has the world changed. So back to my point, (you see its very easy to get distracted when I get into discussion topics like this) i maintain this blog, or should i say i try to update every chance i get or when time allows, but the truth is, there was a point in my life that i stopped blogging completely! Nada, zero, elek, kosong entries! But, years / months later, when i started blogging back.. i have my anyway friends who commented on my posts!. This could only mean one thing, they were following it all along. I'm guessing they were dropping by my blog every now and then to check out if i have posted any new entries, and that my friend, its like a huge stroke to my ego self. Man, it felt good. To feel wanted. That i have anyway friends who despite my blog being completely comatose, still bears a hope that it will wake up one day.

And then, there is the workplace. Where we spend more than 11 hours everyday- for the rest of our lives, unless you happen to strike a lottery and retire by the age of 30 or you can always consider conning a guy and get married and enjoy the ala desperate housewives lifestyle (why.. my choice or my lack of choice of word- conning..?) perhaps, an early retirement might be the option. But for 80% of us normal human beings, the workplace will be our so called 'main' home. Where we'll shed many tears of joy, pain, hard work, disappointment and what not. Office politics can be so tiring at times. I am still struggling to accept the fact that being hardworking alone is not sufficient to bring you up the ladder. It takes more than that. It takes you being good at networking, choosing the right words, being at the right place at the right time, knowing the right people, ensuring you get your ass covered at all times and the credit of your work doesn't go to waiting prey who is always on the go to pounce on you the second you let your guard down (how skeptic, but its true) and also working for the right superior who will recognize you for a job well done and also sees you for the person you are and mold you to the person you are capable to be in future. I am still on this steep learning curve everyday. People say never to underestimate the power of visualization. Everyday before i go to work, i visualize that today will be a good day, a day that will be productive , smooth and i will be happy at work. I've only started visualizing so its too early to comment on how true the statement goes, but things seems to be looking good, perhaps you can give it a try too. But things have not always been looking this good. There was this period of time when just by looking at me you will realized that i have given up. Given up on climbing this corporate ladder which seems so difficult, perhaps it is because i haven't found the way yet. Or perhaps i had so much emotional baggage with me that clouded my ability to make a sound judgement. But at that time, i am fortunate to have my anyway friends who were there for me, to ensure i get out of the depression mood and start coming back on track. For that, i thank you my anyway friend , you will know who you are.

Then, i have to count my blessing for my childhood / schooling days friends whom i rarely meet,but whenever we do it still feels like old times. Friends whom i did not really keep in touch but will still meet up every now and then. Friends who i can count on, whom i know will definitely be there one day if i should ever need them to be. Friends who are your friends irregardless of how much salary you are earning now, friend who do not give a crap about your job position or try to take advantage of you due to your job nature, or friends who will be your friends anyway or anyhow.

As i go on writing this post, things are starting to get really emotional. I am quite a reserve person by nature. By saying that i mean i do not usually share my personal stuffs. And that is not always a good trait to have for by that, it only mean one thing - you are keeping it all bottled up inside. So i'm learning something new here.. i'm trying to embrace the power of sharing. So here goes, and i think this is the furthest i can ever go for sharing. I screw up big time in the beginning of this year or should i say 2 years ago (but i did not realized it then). I trusted the wrong person. You know whats even worst than finding out you have been cheated? Knowing you have been cheated but there's nothing you can do about it. You accepted it. I could not look myself in the mirror for a while because i was ashamed. Ashamed at the coward i grew up to be. Delaying and pretending the problem is not there so i would not have to confront it. I knew about doing the right thing like the back of my palm, but the question is do you have enough courage to actually do it? Ever felt you have sacrificed so much but in the end, you realized that it was all but a lie? Ever felt like you're the mayonnaise served alongside the main dish? You are not the main entrée. There's always another dish that seems to be more tongue watering than you. Yes, that was me. But not anymore. I would like to thank my parents for being my anyway friend at that time. They'll probably never read this, but i have to thank them. They were there for me like this really strong and solid pillar of strength who pulled me out of the denial state that i was i was so very much in. Despite my wrong judgement, they were still there for me anyway. Regardless of how stupid i have become. But, with this experience, i takeaway with me a good learned lesson. A lesson learned the hard way, but worth more than any money in the world can buy. I am a much happier person now. I have to admit i am still quite bitter about the past, but i am sure i can look somewhere within this body of mine for a forgiving bone so that i can completely forgive you, the person whom i once trusted but almost break me to a point that is beyond repair. If you are ever reading this, no i have not forgiven you, but i will try to- someday.

Now on a lighter note, while reading this, if anyone appears in your mind, congratulations for you have found your anyway friend. I wish that everyone of us will have an anyway friend by their side. The world has enough of hate going on , it needs more love! Wont you feel safer knowing that no matter what happens, someone will be there, to be your shoulder to cry on, for you to lean on? Our lives would be so much happier! I am thankful for i think i have found another anyway friend but this time, it will be for life. And i hope you will know that i can be your lifetime anyway friend too. All you have to do is open up your heart and i'll be there. :D