In this fast paced society where you either catch up or risk being left behind, i forgot what it feels like to be young, ever hopeful and care-free.
I miss the person I was when I was just 12 or 13, just stepping into high school.
Life was simple back then. Or had I been more easily content during those early years of my life?
I remember not having to worry about anything other than if i could finish copying my add maths homework on time, or wishing it would rain so we could skip PJ- pendidikan jasmani (i hate the fact that we have to change to our white shirts and track bottom, get all sweaty and then change back to our school uniform without bathing! no offense to those who enjoyed it) or wishing and crossing my fingers that Mr.Long- my psyhics teacher wont call me up to answer any questions today or hoping that the guy whom i have crushes on will notice me. you get the drill.
But then again, I am only saying this because this is me, now. I'm sure that at that time, all these issues seems so huge and of high weightage. And this, is exactly what I am hoping for myself in the future.
I wish that a few years down the road, i will look back at myself and say-hey girl, chill.. no big deal what you're dealing with back then. But then another whole set of different issues will surface and we would have to re-invent the wheel. But if it gives your heart a certain level of comfort, why not?
I guess this is how we mature. How we grow up physically and mentally.
People used to say this every single time that its beginning to sound cliche- that time heals everything. I'm beginning to think there's some amount of truth in it.
For that, cheers everyone. Leave your troubles behind this Christmas and have a happy holiday. :)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Beaten like a defeated wrestler
I keep going back these paths.
I keep telling myself that I wont let me feel this way again, but again and again I allow myself to sink deeper in this black hole.
You tell me things will get better. You lied.
I keep telling myself that I wont let me feel this way again, but again and again I allow myself to sink deeper in this black hole.
You tell me things will get better. You lied.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Rats!
Its been a while since I last wrote anything. I know, I've said it countless times. But, I was hoping that my comeback will not be like this.
Today my car park got stolen right in front of my nose by a black saga- with a family of 5-6,7? i dont know- anyways, there were the man, the woman, the grandpa grandma and small kids. I cant remember. The man outright stole my car park while i was reversing just so I can park my car in.
He on the other hand, conveniently ease himself to that parking space. Hows that for Malaysian Hospitality? I honk once- (there's no reason to scare the small kids you see.. ) but when he did not reverse out, i knew this is one selfish man who did this low life act intentionally.
Iwaited because i wanted to see the rat who stole my parking space face to face. They did not come down immediately. Reason? I had no idea- I am only a young lady in the car by herself. Was it guilt? I had no idea. But after a while I guess his pea brain realized that he cant wait in there forever. They came down. The whole battalion of them. That man - that very man had the cheek to stare at me. With a look that is so ignorant, so arrogant the compulsive side of me had the urge to come down and demand that he be a man and reverse his car out- to give back what is rightfully mine.
I did not. I drove off- feeling so helpless, upset and dissappointed all at the same time. If he would have just waive a hand to ask if he can park or I dont know, just anything to show that he had the courtesy- i would have given him anyway. Common- there were kids and elderly. What do you expect anyone would do? Definately give way. But i just cannot accept the fact that he thought he can take what is not his and walk away feeling like a champion.
In many ways, I am so affected by this I cant even see where is this coming from. Should i have better control of my temper? I dont think this is the problem. The problem is how come we as Malaysians can act this way? I know its unfair to generalize all just because of the action of one. To be fair, there are Malaysians who are courteous on the roads as well, so maybe there is still hope after all?
To you- the family of the black saga with an Ipoh car plate 4812- I look down on you. You as the driver for making that decision. And your family for not advising against it. I still wish you have a nice Raya tho.
Today my car park got stolen right in front of my nose by a black saga- with a family of 5-6,7? i dont know- anyways, there were the man, the woman, the grandpa grandma and small kids. I cant remember. The man outright stole my car park while i was reversing just so I can park my car in.
He on the other hand, conveniently ease himself to that parking space. Hows that for Malaysian Hospitality? I honk once- (there's no reason to scare the small kids you see.. ) but when he did not reverse out, i knew this is one selfish man who did this low life act intentionally.
Iwaited because i wanted to see the rat who stole my parking space face to face. They did not come down immediately. Reason? I had no idea- I am only a young lady in the car by herself. Was it guilt? I had no idea. But after a while I guess his pea brain realized that he cant wait in there forever. They came down. The whole battalion of them. That man - that very man had the cheek to stare at me. With a look that is so ignorant, so arrogant the compulsive side of me had the urge to come down and demand that he be a man and reverse his car out- to give back what is rightfully mine.
I did not. I drove off- feeling so helpless, upset and dissappointed all at the same time. If he would have just waive a hand to ask if he can park or I dont know, just anything to show that he had the courtesy- i would have given him anyway. Common- there were kids and elderly. What do you expect anyone would do? Definately give way. But i just cannot accept the fact that he thought he can take what is not his and walk away feeling like a champion.
In many ways, I am so affected by this I cant even see where is this coming from. Should i have better control of my temper? I dont think this is the problem. The problem is how come we as Malaysians can act this way? I know its unfair to generalize all just because of the action of one. To be fair, there are Malaysians who are courteous on the roads as well, so maybe there is still hope after all?
To you- the family of the black saga with an Ipoh car plate 4812- I look down on you. You as the driver for making that decision. And your family for not advising against it. I still wish you have a nice Raya tho.
Monday, July 20, 2009
You know that sometimes, You just dont know.
Many things is goin through my mind, and I just cant wait to let it all out. But.. where so i start? Life has been a big gobbly blob of messy fun , and yet I'm living it just fine. How did i cope or how did i survive is a different question all together. Did I have fun? Yes. Do I have any regrets? Yes, some. Will I do it differently? Well, maybe. But did I live the moment? I guess I did. Ppl, great ppl even, makes some mistakes here and there- eventually, at some point of their lives, so i guess i'm no different. I guess its not the issue of did we or did we not make a mistake, nor is it the extend of our mistakes and all the collateral damages involved as a result, but i guess, in my most humble opinion, is if we realise and learn from the mistakes we've made, vowing that never, in our best effort, to repeat it again.
Life as a management associate is drawing to an end, closer as we speak. 31 July 2009. I anticipate your arrival as much as I wish you would not come so soon. Dear MAPs, if any of you ever happen to read this, I will miss you.
One year together I do believe has brought us closer. Regardless of how different an individual each and every one of us are, we manage to work it out and leverage on each other's strength and weaknesses - that we appreciate us for who we are and not who we are not, and in despite of these differences, we are a great team. And as 1 August comes, and we will all depart to our own respective postings, I wish you well. I am anticipating that we may not get to spend as much time as we used to, we will be occupied and busy trying to adjust to ur new roles and teams, we might not end up in the same dept, but let us not grow apart. Let us keep the good memories of meeting each other for the first time on 5th August 2008 fresh in mind, the many presentations we've gone through together, the Bangi Canteen food that well.. needs alot of improvement.., the many lunches we've ate , our Gopeng trip, Mr Tang's Law training and his jokes, takin our group pic with our MAP Tshirt, our farewell at Chillis, L.O.V.E course and those tennis balls, the grooming class we had, the many self motivation classes HR had arranged for us, CMC presentations, group projects ( altho we may not see eye to eye always, but its for the good of getting the project done) and countless of good , bad, ugly and sweet memories in our hearts. I know all of us will do well in future, some even better than the rest. Before the MAP 2008 program comes to an end, I want to thank you , for being not only good colleagues, but thank you for being a good friend. And I hope we all get our desired posting. I need to stop now before i cry. * damn! I'm weak*
I dont think I have been a good daughter . I should start spending more time at home.
Nor do I think I have been a good friend. But I try to do everything within my means.
I dont think Im saving enough.
I think I need to stop browsing AirAsia's website so often. The temptation of going somewhere far with just a click away is seriously hard to resist.
I need to lose weight. More sit ups. Sigh- I dont think this, i will manage. =(
And YOU. You drive me crazy. Your inconsistency and unpredictableness and your irregularity confuses me. I know I ve said i like surprises, but not too much. Playing the guessing game is well out of my league. I fear when I feel happy , even by feeling the smallest jolt of happiness in my vein would get me thinking, whats wrong? What is goin to happen next? I think I have serious complication disorder. Sometimes I feel like I dont have the means to rise above and change. I know if i continue to keep my distance, and not fully plunging into it, like ppl should, then I am just waiting and keep on waiting for the world to change. huh? Gibberish. ok, next.
I was having seafood at Kampung Melayu Subang tonight . As I was eating, a family came by and sat on this table directly opposite of me. The Mum, Dad, Sister and a younger sister who happens to be a special child. As I was eating, I glance occasionally (I know its not polite to stare) . But I just cant help it. My heart went out to them. The Dad was constantly peeling the crab's shell, and takin the meat out and put in on her plate. She can eat on her own and was okay using chopsticks, so its a good thing. The dad then peeled the prawn's shell. Then he took the vege and noodles for her. It just hit me at that point, for fortunate I am. Some people come into this world, being a special child. And they had absolutely no control over it. Its not their choice. But they had to come into this world , at such a young age, with such burden. And yet, most of them strive and lead life the best they can. So for this, I salute their courage and I admire their persistence. Tonight itself, I went to the nearest supermarket, got some necessities and donate them to this Disabled Home for Childrens near Taman Megah. Its a corner lot house, some of you might know. The moment the children said thank you, I felt somewhat relieved. I felt good that I helped someone today. Its not the amount we've donated, but its the thought that counts. In fact, I should say thank you back to them, because they make things even clearer for me. Putting my thoughts into perspectives. By pulling myself out and look at the situation properly , I really shouldnt worry or get myself work out on small matters. I should persevere and try to live my life the best I can. Regardless of what other people think, I should live the way I feel is the best for me, and just say what I need to say. For you guys, if your interested in making donations, I do suggest you make it in kinds, such as rice, milo, cereals, cooking oil, biscuits, and etc.. Do our part, the best within our means.
It doesnt matter if you think I am emo. I am.
I am easily hurt, but i bounce back twice faster. I am normally harmless unless provoke. So if you think you can take advantage of my "assumed emotional vulnerability", I suggest you think twice.
Even as your eyes are closing, your hands are shaking, or if you feel your faith is broken, but as long as you do it with your heart wide open, and keep going on , that my friend, is a true survivor.
Life as a management associate is drawing to an end, closer as we speak. 31 July 2009. I anticipate your arrival as much as I wish you would not come so soon. Dear MAPs, if any of you ever happen to read this, I will miss you.
One year together I do believe has brought us closer. Regardless of how different an individual each and every one of us are, we manage to work it out and leverage on each other's strength and weaknesses - that we appreciate us for who we are and not who we are not, and in despite of these differences, we are a great team. And as 1 August comes, and we will all depart to our own respective postings, I wish you well. I am anticipating that we may not get to spend as much time as we used to, we will be occupied and busy trying to adjust to ur new roles and teams, we might not end up in the same dept, but let us not grow apart. Let us keep the good memories of meeting each other for the first time on 5th August 2008 fresh in mind, the many presentations we've gone through together, the Bangi Canteen food that well.. needs alot of improvement.., the many lunches we've ate , our Gopeng trip, Mr Tang's Law training and his jokes, takin our group pic with our MAP Tshirt, our farewell at Chillis, L.O.V.E course and those tennis balls, the grooming class we had, the many self motivation classes HR had arranged for us, CMC presentations, group projects ( altho we may not see eye to eye always, but its for the good of getting the project done) and countless of good , bad, ugly and sweet memories in our hearts. I know all of us will do well in future, some even better than the rest. Before the MAP 2008 program comes to an end, I want to thank you , for being not only good colleagues, but thank you for being a good friend. And I hope we all get our desired posting. I need to stop now before i cry. * damn! I'm weak*
I dont think I have been a good daughter . I should start spending more time at home.
Nor do I think I have been a good friend. But I try to do everything within my means.
I dont think Im saving enough.
I think I need to stop browsing AirAsia's website so often. The temptation of going somewhere far with just a click away is seriously hard to resist.
I need to lose weight. More sit ups. Sigh- I dont think this, i will manage. =(
And YOU. You drive me crazy. Your inconsistency and unpredictableness and your irregularity confuses me. I know I ve said i like surprises, but not too much. Playing the guessing game is well out of my league. I fear when I feel happy , even by feeling the smallest jolt of happiness in my vein would get me thinking, whats wrong? What is goin to happen next? I think I have serious complication disorder. Sometimes I feel like I dont have the means to rise above and change. I know if i continue to keep my distance, and not fully plunging into it, like ppl should, then I am just waiting and keep on waiting for the world to change. huh? Gibberish. ok, next.
I was having seafood at Kampung Melayu Subang tonight . As I was eating, a family came by and sat on this table directly opposite of me. The Mum, Dad, Sister and a younger sister who happens to be a special child. As I was eating, I glance occasionally (I know its not polite to stare) . But I just cant help it. My heart went out to them. The Dad was constantly peeling the crab's shell, and takin the meat out and put in on her plate. She can eat on her own and was okay using chopsticks, so its a good thing. The dad then peeled the prawn's shell. Then he took the vege and noodles for her. It just hit me at that point, for fortunate I am. Some people come into this world, being a special child. And they had absolutely no control over it. Its not their choice. But they had to come into this world , at such a young age, with such burden. And yet, most of them strive and lead life the best they can. So for this, I salute their courage and I admire their persistence. Tonight itself, I went to the nearest supermarket, got some necessities and donate them to this Disabled Home for Childrens near Taman Megah. Its a corner lot house, some of you might know. The moment the children said thank you, I felt somewhat relieved. I felt good that I helped someone today. Its not the amount we've donated, but its the thought that counts. In fact, I should say thank you back to them, because they make things even clearer for me. Putting my thoughts into perspectives. By pulling myself out and look at the situation properly , I really shouldnt worry or get myself work out on small matters. I should persevere and try to live my life the best I can. Regardless of what other people think, I should live the way I feel is the best for me, and just say what I need to say. For you guys, if your interested in making donations, I do suggest you make it in kinds, such as rice, milo, cereals, cooking oil, biscuits, and etc.. Do our part, the best within our means.
It doesnt matter if you think I am emo. I am.
I am easily hurt, but i bounce back twice faster. I am normally harmless unless provoke. So if you think you can take advantage of my "assumed emotional vulnerability", I suggest you think twice.
Even as your eyes are closing, your hands are shaking, or if you feel your faith is broken, but as long as you do it with your heart wide open, and keep going on , that my friend, is a true survivor.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Drink, dont drive.
Lately i realised that people do not drive courteously on the roads anymore. Or has it been this way all the while? You get ppl tailgating you like nobody's business. Whenever this happens, I always have this sudden urge to hit the brakes. But then again.. that will cause too much of a hassle for that few minutes of glory. *you kiss, you pay!* So, i've come up with a list of drivers that i hate:
1. I hate drivers that tailgate my back - too close for comfort.
2. I hate drivers that drive faster than I do. (how can???)
3. I hate drivers that drive too slow- especially when i'm running late.
4. I hate drivers that cut into my line without signalling.
5. I especially hate male drivers that do not give way when they know the other female driver is in the wrong lane.
6. I hate drivers that purposely hit the accelarator when you already signalled that you are changing lane.
7. I hate drivers that dont put on any signals. (yea, i know i have alot of issues with signalling)
8. I hate drivers that brakes too often.. cuz ill brake too..
9. I hate female drivers that drives nice cars because it makes me freakin jealous.
10. I hate any vehicle that have people behind its wheel. nah, take that!
11. I hate female cars that have stickers that reads "Princess on board" or " VIP" on it..
12. I like those that reads "Honk if you're horny" hehe..
13. I hate nice sports cars that have those really fugly looking spoilers that looks like cheap macro trolley holder on it. Spoils everything!
14. I hate cars that are not in either black, white or silver in colour.
*sigh*
Everyone should just freaking walk and leave the driving to me!
Post written at 9.53am, RHB Tower 1, level 7- workstation.
Boss, I'm still working k!! Just take a few minutes off only! :D
1. I hate drivers that tailgate my back - too close for comfort.
2. I hate drivers that drive faster than I do. (how can???)
3. I hate drivers that drive too slow- especially when i'm running late.
4. I hate drivers that cut into my line without signalling.
5. I especially hate male drivers that do not give way when they know the other female driver is in the wrong lane.
6. I hate drivers that purposely hit the accelarator when you already signalled that you are changing lane.
7. I hate drivers that dont put on any signals. (yea, i know i have alot of issues with signalling)
8. I hate drivers that brakes too often.. cuz ill brake too..
9. I hate female drivers that drives nice cars because it makes me freakin jealous.
10. I hate any vehicle that have people behind its wheel. nah, take that!
11. I hate female cars that have stickers that reads "Princess on board" or " VIP" on it..
12. I like those that reads "Honk if you're horny" hehe..
13. I hate nice sports cars that have those really fugly looking spoilers that looks like cheap macro trolley holder on it. Spoils everything!
14. I hate cars that are not in either black, white or silver in colour.
*sigh*
Everyone should just freaking walk and leave the driving to me!
Post written at 9.53am, RHB Tower 1, level 7- workstation.
Boss, I'm still working k!! Just take a few minutes off only! :D
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Living a robotic life ..
Ahh.. the perils of being a trainee..
You get transferred alot. To different business units. Meet different ppl. Plus points and what nots. You dont have a permanent working feel.
Reach office by 8am. Buy breakfast consist of nasi goreng kampung tambah telur, milo panas satu. (everyday)
Work, or at least pretend to be busy till 12. 30 and yay! its lunch time. Order the usual nasi putih basah kuah kari ayam and peria goreng (every single day-i kid you not)
Come back to work.. take a few toilet breaks and try to prolong it - wait till 5.15 and kudos- you've made it through another day!
sad huh. i know..
You get transferred alot. To different business units. Meet different ppl. Plus points and what nots. You dont have a permanent working feel.
Reach office by 8am. Buy breakfast consist of nasi goreng kampung tambah telur, milo panas satu. (everyday)
Work, or at least pretend to be busy till 12. 30 and yay! its lunch time. Order the usual nasi putih basah kuah kari ayam and peria goreng (every single day-i kid you not)
Come back to work.. take a few toilet breaks and try to prolong it - wait till 5.15 and kudos- you've made it through another day!
sad huh. i know..
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
This is the point of my life where everything that could possibly go wrong..... went wrong.
1. fell sick the week prior to chinese new year
2. did not have a single new clothes for chinese new year
3. got hospitalised the day before reunion dinner- discharged the day after chinese new year
4. missed reunion dinner- had hospital food instead.
5. countdown to chinese new year alone in my hospital room, with the tv, my iv drip, pain and
cold temperature.
6. realised something.
1. fell sick the week prior to chinese new year
2. did not have a single new clothes for chinese new year
3. got hospitalised the day before reunion dinner- discharged the day after chinese new year
4. missed reunion dinner- had hospital food instead.
5. countdown to chinese new year alone in my hospital room, with the tv, my iv drip, pain and
cold temperature.
6. realised something.
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