Living somebody else's dream.

Why are we humans prone to pain?

For some reasons, pain comes by more often than pleasure. And the worse thing is, you never see it coming. It just hit right into your heart, suffocate you, intoxicate you and leave you broken. Broken of hope, broken of faith and it leaves you broken enough to make sure you will be in so much pain that it takes a million strength to recover.

But the thing about humans is.. we never learn. Never mind that people tell you it will hurt. Doesnt matter if you have been warned beforehand that it will indeed hurt. But you need to find our for yourself, how much it hurts.

Maybe we like to get hurt. Maybe we have to feel hurt. Feel the pain seeping into your bones that you feel its eating up your organs inside... that every single breathe you take it hurts you like a million needles poking to your veins. Maybe we are created this way. To make us feel real. To make us know that we arent immortals. That life is indeed short.

Sometimes we think that we are doing the right thing, but indeed we are not. We are fooling others just to fool ourselves. And that truely, we are just selfish enough to care only for ourselves and not others. That what we do affects not only ourselves but others. That it all happen like a chain of stories, each interwhine with another that one action you make causes a chain of reaction.

We think too much about what effect that we have on others that we never stop to think, what the hell do I really want instead. We spend our lives living within the boundaries. Boundaries that we drew or those that already exist before we even got there. Living in such constraint that sometimes you feel like letting everything go and live the life you want by crossing that boundary.

But, life is never that simple, for some boundaries are too dangerous to cross.

I never wanted to cause pain. For every pain that i caused, i get back so much more.
If it ever meant anything, I've tried my best. But I'm not doing too good here for i cant seem to find a balance between both sides. I need time to think. Time to convince myself that my choice is right. I dont want to end up chasing after something that is not even there.

I need time to think .

Survey who?

This is the first time i've ever posted a survey in my blog.
There's always a first people say.. But this might be the last. So here goes nothing...


1.Whose picture is it that you keep in your wallet?
I dont have a wallet to begin with..

2. What time do you usually go to bed?
Early.. try waking up at 4.30/5am..

3. What was the last thing you did before filling this survey
Watched Project Runway..

4. Who's the person you're gonna call if you need help?
They'll know when i call them...

5. Who's number on your speed dials?
Dont use speed dials.. I rmb all u numbers pretty well... : P

6. With whom do you wanna be to have fun?
Loved ones.

7. How would you describe yourself?
Harmless unless provoked. : )

8. Who do you hate the most for now?
Hate is such a strong word... well, for the record.. i don have anyone to hate now. hehe

9. When was the first time you slept alone?
Cant rmb.. long time ago.

10. What do you wanna do for now?
Pick up the broken pieces.

11. What could piss you off?
Inconsiderate, bad-mouthing, back stabbing, reckless drivers, impatient pigs, chickens who run when things get bad, or snakes who appear whenever credit is due-tho they dont deserve it... well.. u get what i mean..

12. are you an animal lover?
yes, crabs taste good.

13. Colors that makes you happy
none in particular.i dont need colors to make me happy.. im self contented. *grins*

14. Most fav thing in your room?
i would have to say my bed.

15. What was the last thing you bought for your room?
nothing.

16. Any instruments in your room?
i cant play any... sad.

17. Can you cook?
i can cook up a decent meal.

18. Miss someone?
not at the moment.

19. Plan to buy something?
this is not a question worth asking to a girl. of cuzzzzz we wanna buy something..... pffft!

20. Do you like seafood?
my fav.

21. Breakfast or dinner?
Dinner

22 . What do you usually have for breakfast?
I dont usually take breakfast cuz i cant eat much in the morning..

23. Did you eat breakfast today?
yes.

24. Do u have a laptop?
company's..

25. What is your favourite fastfood?
Mc d.

26. Cats or dogs?
Dogs

27. City or country?
Both

28. How do you prefer to spend your holiday?
Its not so much as how, but i would say is who you get to spend it with.

29. Is kissing normal for your age?
No. kissing makes u pregnant. Hello?? what kinda q is this. im 23. so hell yeah its normal. even babies kiss okay...

30. Do you have your own cell phone?
No, i communicate using Morse code. Thats why my replies are always so slow.


hehe.. survey done! well.. that was fast..

yooohoo!

Hey people..

Its holidayyyyyyy~ read my lips.. H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S!!

Hehe.. Well.. its Good Friday on Friday (duh) and Easter on Monday.. So am having a long good weekend, and i deserved it. I've worked hard this week, so.. *pats self*

and.. I take back everything i ever say bout my car salesman.. he is in fact...... good !!!
i'm getting my car next week!! can you believe it?? damn fast okie.. and its black.
looks like he manage to live up to all of his promises.. haiz.. i judge him too soon. my bad.
but anyways.. my car will be here next weeeeeeeeeeeeek!!! yippie!

Its Tuesday baby!

*deleted*

Work is fine, altho the workload is neverending and to think I only reached home at 5 and i started at 6am today? But.. all in all, its still good.. trying to catch up as fast as I can.. and man.. looking after an account with about 150++ companies aint easy i tell you. I'll pick up as i go..

Today was our Quarter Lunch as well... so our whole team was treated to a free lunch. hehe.. Its Chris, our big bro's birthday too.. So that calls for a celebration! hehe.. Cant wait for next quarter... : ) and Happy Birthday Chris. I wish you all the happiness in the world and may you have a good life over at Australia soon, and that everything works out just right for you. : )

I'm getting tired.. Its been a long day. Thats all for now... cheers.

Crap.

Ever wonder why those fried, crispy, oily stuffs are just so addictive and yummilicious tasting?
Ugh. Hate it that they are made the way they are. I ate alot of mini hash browns for lunch today, and no.. i'm not ashamed of myself. Well, I should be... but I'm not. Ugh. I feel fat. Wait. Am i fat? ughhh *slaps face* Are you laughing at me..?? Hey.. its my body so I can cry if I want to! So right now.. i'm crying... T_________T. I need to crash diet... asap. Before convo... Well that is like 13 days from now... So how many kgs can one lose in 13 days? I'm getting hysteria....

I blame it on the mags. Pressure to look stick thin cuz thats what the mags are trying to tell young gullible girls like us right.? I mean wtf the models are forever slim without an ounce of fat, and normal poor thing like us are struggling to keep the weight off. And what more.. you guys like thin girls.. right?

Poor girls. You know what.. I'm starting to sound liek a pro feminist here... but hey.. guys have it so much easier alright.. no? Lets see.. guys dont have menstrual cramps, thats the first. No worries about what pain we have to go tru each month. GUys need not get over labor pain. They can just be teary and all happy cradling the newborn after it pop out of women. Guy need not worry about getting fat.. cuz well.. there isn any cuz! In short.. i wanna be a guy. wait.. no.. i dun wanna be a guy.. Guy's range of clothes are so limited k.. and you know whats another thing thats freaking bothering me.. ? Its so hard to buy a guy gifts!!! Ugh.. dont let me get into there..

So anyway.. this is a crappy post.. and being the crappy me i am today.. i'm not even gonna be bothered by it. So.. if anyone post any comment here on anything that even slightly imply that i am fat.. i shall tie your hands up, feed you smelly cockroaches and chuck you into some lice infested island or something.. i mean,,, for real. Do you see me laughing?

Ebiko sushi please, soya, chilli powder and wasabi on the side please..

Politics makes me sick. Really, it does. I mean how bad can it be, you must be thinking.. well.. you need not look further.. you can witness it right at homeland baby..
Sit down, and watch as the ugly gets uglier.. everything unfolding right before your eyes..

Power struggles are so nasty. Its even more frustrating when the so called defeated one couldn’t except the fact that the worse had happened, so shaddap and work on filling the bloody huge ass hole that’s left behind your backyard now. Literally. But the one that was caught off guard with a pleasant surprise aren’t quite ready to step up to the plate. By that I simply mean that they wasn’t expecting it, and thus, wasn’t prepared for it. At least, I feel that way. If only they could all sit down over a cup of coffee and talk. Feel like slapping me to tell that its not even near possible? Haha… But no harm in hoping right..?

I really wish one day will come when Homeland is really mature enough, and the people governing it will see it through that if they sincerely want unity amongst all, stop bringing up the “differences issue” every single time something is brought up. I believe that normal citizens like me and you, would like to very much see that happen.

Well, as Homeland is going through so much changes and drama, it aint fair if its citizen is not right…? A few major and minor changes happened since I wrote my previous post.
The biggest change was.. yours truly just bought her first ever car!!! Hahahhaa… *shake shake* Well, the car is not here yet.. so you guys can still drive safely on the road for approximately 3 weeks more.. I hope I wont have to wait longer than that. You know la salesman.. they can promise you the moon before you buy the car, and once you did… he’ll be telling you ‘wut moon o? yao meh?? Fatt MOONg yao la!

So, there goes, the biggest purchase I have made thus far. : )

Other minor minor changes all, I guess need not I mention here.. simply cuz I need to mop my room now, so I just don’t have the time.. and I doubt it if you care. : P

Till then… Ciaoz.

12th Election Day 2008.. My First.

Woke up at 7am today.. Surprisingly early for a Saturday.. but.. its most prolly cuz I'm so ussed to waking up at 5am to work everyday..

Today is a big day for Malaysia.. Our 12th Election Day! And not to forget, my first ever voting!
Reached my poling center, SMK Sri Permata @ Seaport (also my beloved highschool :P ) at 9 plus am.. I have to say.. The flow was good. I mean there are people everywhere to guide you where to go, which room to enter.. plus.. the whole process only took me around 5 minutes! It was organized in a god manner. I'm impressed.. i thought i would have to queue up for some time.. but.. it was all good..

Well, first when i reach, i proceed to the counter, pass them my IC, got my polling room number or which saluran i'm supposed to go.. Mine was saluran 9 so i proceed to the second floor of one of the buildings.. cant remember but i think its Block A,

I then proceed into my polling room, pass the lady my IC, she checked it.. then another guy to pass me the form, and then i would have to pass the form to another lady to get some holes punched..

Next, i proceed to one of the nicely covered tables, mark an "X" against the name of candidate of my choice.. hehe, and finally..... cast my vote in the secret ballot. Light orange form for Negeri into one box.. and Dark orange form for Parlimen into another box. There you have it.. a little bit long winded.. but that was the experience.

Well.. actually i don't quite understand why they need 2 people to handle the small forms.. cause they are practically sitting next to each other. so the same person can actually provide the forms and punch holes on them at the same time, no? hehe.. There were like 8 ppl for 1 room (1 to guard the entrance, 1 to check ur ic & read it out loud, 2 for forms, 2 for.. err i dunno.. 1 for the 2
secret ballots, and 1 chief officer to oversee the whole process.) Thats alot of people for me... hehe..

All in all, I'm happy that i experienced my first ever voting experience. It was an experience, but not like those "helluva wow" one... but.. hey, c'mmon ppl, at least exercise your rights, have a say over your country and,.. do your part as Malaysians! For those who have yet to register.. (tsk..tsk.. shame on you..) Faster do it quick! well, its like 5 years form now.. i know.. but who knows you'll forget about it by then right..?

And tonight, and i mean more like throughout the night.. we can expect results to slowly rolling in.. and we shall...... Hear what Malaysians have to say......

What 3rd of March brings you....

You know you're really occupied when you missed reading kenny sia's blog for onw whole week.
I know... crazy right..??

Kennysia.com is like my fav blog to read. Its hilarious, witty, of substance and of cuz the daily dose of sarcasm. I just love it to bits.

Timothy tiah's blog.. well.. the co founder of Nuffnang's is a good read as well...

Ahhh... all is well when there's good blogs to read .. I simply enjoy it .. in fact i <3>

Imagine.. me coming back from home after work at 2pm.. finish up my stuff.. lie on my very comfy bed with my laptop in front of me.. chatting and browsing tru good blogs.. sipping my cold drink.. n eventually fall asleep.. haha.. well.. that is heaven i tell you.. don't get to do it very often.. but i savour the moment every chance i get... <3

Plus, Amanda borrowed me her hard disk the otehr day where i copied all her super nice series.. Little Britain ..omg! The 70's Show.. omgomg!.. all the super cun movies.. Ahh... me is very happy... : )

I think i lead a rather balanced life now.. well.. for one... i sleep and wake up early.. I work very hard at work.. and when i'm home.. i relaxxxxx to the max as well.. i eat rather little now.. cuz i have yet to get use to having my lunch at 9 or 10am.. >.<" so.. i tink im losing some weight.... which is good.. and my emotions are well.. when im upset.. im really upset.. and when im happy.. i do seriously feel happy. Am i making any sense here..? anyways.. what im trying to say is that i feel like im getting a well balanced mixture of both worlds. The good and the bad. Cz... last time.. i have this weird feeling behind the back of my head that when things are too good to be true, they prolly are.. and when things are bad.. they tend to hang around longer in my life...
But now... they r both present.. a mixture.. which i find it rather pleasing.. cuz.. u dont get too happy or too sad. u get what economics call it an equilibrium state .. haha.. if u tink im not making any sense here.. you are probably right. :P

Anyway, where was i? aww god.. my attention span lately is running low... oh.. ya.. what i wanted to say was i bought this pair of cons last 2 weeks that is supposed to make my eyes bigger.. n of cuz to make me look abit prettier cuz i dun fee l pretty when im wearing the specs. haha... its called whimsical brown.. and by no means did it make my eyes bigger! *geram* in fact.. nobody even realised i wore contacts.. obviously the claim that it will make one's eyes bigger is no longer applicable.. its from Freshkon anyway..
BUt ... shrugs... well.. at least i dont have to wear specs that often.. hehe.. But i only bought 2 months supply anyway.. just to try out... So.. by the time 2 months up.. u guessed it right.. im not purchasing it again. N-o.

It 3rd of March.. Countdown to 8 of March shall begin soon i gues..... ehhehe
Have you guys registered? hehe i did!! Did i sound excited? Well, if you think i did.. you think it wrong..
I woulnt say im very excited.. but hey i cant say im not either cuz its yours truly 1st time voting experience k!!
Im not gonna go into long posts about elections stuff and all..cuz.. well.. im not really into politics.
In the end of the day.. it doesnt matter who wins.. so long the one who did will fulfill their promises.. and take care of us peanuts.. Some say vote for the person, not the party.. some say the opposite...
I dunno about you.. but i have already got a pretty good picture on who i'm voting this time around.. But.. i shall not have it mentioned in here. All i can say is.. its not gonna be blue this time around..

So ppl, place your vote this coming 8 MARCH 2008!!! dO YOUR PART YOUNG VOTERS!... hehe..
dont miss the chance to have a say over your country... (part of en mi mundo por mis ojos community service effort..) heck.. wth.

p/s: yours truly is very happy cuz her voting center is sooooo near her home.. hehe.. wanna check? yeah.. you should... http://daftarj.spr.gov.my/daftarbi.asp