Living somebody else's dream.

Why are we humans prone to pain?

For some reasons, pain comes by more often than pleasure. And the worse thing is, you never see it coming. It just hit right into your heart, suffocate you, intoxicate you and leave you broken. Broken of hope, broken of faith and it leaves you broken enough to make sure you will be in so much pain that it takes a million strength to recover.

But the thing about humans is.. we never learn. Never mind that people tell you it will hurt. Doesnt matter if you have been warned beforehand that it will indeed hurt. But you need to find our for yourself, how much it hurts.

Maybe we like to get hurt. Maybe we have to feel hurt. Feel the pain seeping into your bones that you feel its eating up your organs inside... that every single breathe you take it hurts you like a million needles poking to your veins. Maybe we are created this way. To make us feel real. To make us know that we arent immortals. That life is indeed short.

Sometimes we think that we are doing the right thing, but indeed we are not. We are fooling others just to fool ourselves. And that truely, we are just selfish enough to care only for ourselves and not others. That what we do affects not only ourselves but others. That it all happen like a chain of stories, each interwhine with another that one action you make causes a chain of reaction.

We think too much about what effect that we have on others that we never stop to think, what the hell do I really want instead. We spend our lives living within the boundaries. Boundaries that we drew or those that already exist before we even got there. Living in such constraint that sometimes you feel like letting everything go and live the life you want by crossing that boundary.

But, life is never that simple, for some boundaries are too dangerous to cross.

I never wanted to cause pain. For every pain that i caused, i get back so much more.
If it ever meant anything, I've tried my best. But I'm not doing too good here for i cant seem to find a balance between both sides. I need time to think. Time to convince myself that my choice is right. I dont want to end up chasing after something that is not even there.

I need time to think .