Happy Birthday to me

I officially turned 25 today. Older, and much happier.

Since I just had my best birthday ever, I'll sealed it with highlights of the things I've did this year, & proud of it :

1. Survived through days of hospitalization during CNY (which happened to coincide with Valentine's this year). I cant deny that I did not cried buckets, but I managed. :)
2. Bold enough to pursue Master while clocking more than 10 hours of work (sometimes more), and is currently maintaining a CGPA of 4.0
3. Took destiny into my own hands & made a move that could make or break me by quitting my old job i.e my comfort zone, leaving individuals who are not just mere colleagues but close friends and forgoing my potential bonuses to a new, unfamiliar environment which i believe promises me hope, a better future and the capability to feed my continuous hunger for progression
4. Started dating my best friend of 4 years
5. Had countless road trips all around Malaysia and splurged on various overseas trip for next year! woots* wallet, did I hear you cried?
6. Remained loved by friends and family (aah.. how self satisfying this can be )
7. Bought a really nice, studious looking study table made of special wood that cost me about 800++ bucks. Used it for less than 5 times. *before you judge, the purchase was totally worth it!* :)
8. Had the best birthday celebration. ever.

the week that was..

1.

Hello GuangZhou :) Managed to get some reallllllyyy good deals, air tics & accomodation at insanely great price! I can has chinese. lol.

2.

Almost end up with this hair cut lookalike!! The back looks good. But I'm damn proud cuz i managed to resist the hairstylist's persistence to chop of my fringe and make it resemble like a coconut! HAH! *The Power Of Resistance* LoL

3. Completed my first week at work. Office looks new. Workstation is almost the same as previous, but its in white this time. *my fav* building is super new, but the security checking is a pain. din have ID for the first few days, i had to register every.single.time i go out for lunch. work is fine, went back close to 8pm on the 2nd day, already?? Colleagues been great, 90% female, never shortage for fun cuz boss is a junkfood addict like me! *yay* So people, yes, i'm doing okay here dont worry ya? :) everything looks good now, all except my IDs, internet access and email setup. sigh. Pls be ready soon..... *fingers crossed*

I has sad

I wish that if you could just look past everything that i'm not, then you'll start to appreciate everything that i am.

Simple Guide to Life

A compilation of tested & proven guides to life that works for me, but might not on you. Read with caution, like seriously. :D

1. If you have sensitive skin, stay away from body piercing. Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Do not feel the need to make any necessary addition.

2. When you're planning to bitch about someone, better not think about it & text at the same time. Chances are you'll mistakenly forward the message to the unintended recipient. (:

3. Contrary to what many believes, it pays to be bitchy at times. So choose your friends carefully. See with your heart, not with your eyes for it can only look so far.

4. Never trample on others on your way up, for these are the people you'll see on your way down.

5. You might be all ready and driven to chase your dreams while you're still young, but dont forget to slow down and enjoy life. You can only cope so much. You're not expected to be perfect. But you're expected to live up to your fullest potential.

6. The best survival tools you'll ever need in life is a few strong instincts, some good networking , a cockroach-like nature ( heck, have you heard they're the longest surviving creature on earth?), a few close-knitted friends who'll tell you straight to the face when you're fat (yes, the truth hurts, but only real friends will care enough to say it out) & a good pairs of shoes. : )

7. Buy on impulse. seriously. Because it never matters. I bought my 2nd laptop on impulse and sold it off in a week. I though long and hard on my very costly ikea table which looks ooh so deliciously classy, and i've used it less than 10 times. So go on, buy that 1 thing you really want, because its never much on the practicality, its the enjoyment you get from the buying process! lol.

8. Never try to understand women. You're completely wasting your time.

9. When a women is pissy, get your ass off the room. Give her some time to cool down, she'll probably realize how wrong she was. haha.

10. Admit it, men loves women who can cook. So if you suck at it, get some lessons - like now!

11. If your other half is angry at you, try sending mms of your cute nephew/niece.. bribe her with cute looking babies. Works every time.

12.Its so easy to be depressed. But it takes alot of effort to stay happy. So challenge yourself.

13. Nothing beats the monday blues than quirky dirty jokes in your mailbox, first thing in the morning from a cool colleague.

14. Never overdo your makeup. The basic powder, some eye liner , a good stroke of mascara and a bit blusher is all it takes to look au naturele. :)

15. Women likes guys with some sense of humour & who looks confident about himself. Even if you dont have it, fake it. Sooner or later, it'll feel natural, like second to nature.

to be continued...

Not your ordinary foodcourt

So sometime last week, Kent picked me up from work at 8-ish for our usual dinner. We were both dead hungry, we could have eaten each other's limb (i kid you not) , but luckily there's this foodcourt just a drive away- phew! save us the trouble.and mess. hehe*

Once we pulled over, a sudden sense of tingling bells tells us that something is not right. Where in the world would a foodcourt throw in free entertainment while you eat? And this is not the kind of entertainment sane ppl our age would enjoy, for they are singing chinese oldies in a rather high pitch, off note and suspiciously seducing voice. Hmm..

But i was already dead hungry (rmb the limb?) .. so i dragged Kent in, disregarding his protests. hehe*

Once in... CONFIRMED.

Picture speaks a thousand words.

The entire foodcourt was filled with uncles- of all size and ages - mostly bald, hairy and perv looking. And you know the best thing? They were all sitting facing the stage. Each time a lady finished singing her song, another come up. There were a good 7-8 different ladies that night! (Notice my choice of word? Ladies instead of girls? or chicks? You know what i mean..)

Each table of uncles had 1 or at most 2 ladies accompanying them. Hmm.. talk about being dodgy!

There's also these 2 matured looking ladies selling flowers to the 'fans' for them to give it to the singer of their choice.. and they re-use them! wtf!! talk about being entrepreneurial! You buy 1 flower and you re-sell it for god knows how many times!

Tsk tsk tsk.. felt like being in a low cost, cheapo night club. Didn't get to see any 'actions' that night tho . Just some ladies shaking the hands of the uncles, introducing themselves each time they join a new table. sigh. Boring!

So half way eating, while surrounded by hum sup looking uncles, i stopped and ask Kent,

"They better not think i am 'accompanying' you huh?"

The smirk on his face was enough to make me want to knock the lights out of him. Then he replied, "Still wanna come here next time?"

WTF.

Damn, i hate it when i'm wrong. :/

U-turn

Forget about knifes. Some things hurts even more .

It's back to square one, once more.

The what, when and how doesn't matter anymore.

I just need to make it right, once more.

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. To love is to never be vulnerable.

I is healthy (:

Woody Allen said and I'll just quote- 80% of success is showing up.

I think I'm getting there for 1) I showed up for work today. 2) I went to the gym, as planned.

I do not understand why would people succumb themselves to pain. Do they feel better about themselves after torturing their body? Oh well, most probably not. Just dont mind me. This is my way of coping with the after-gym effects. My body is literally crying right now. But it doesnt matter for i feel good.

Full cardio. A full 30 minutes. *Pats self. Pictures to prove a point. (:

Before- filled with energy, ready to go.

After- shaky legs. enough said.

New addiction

First it was to get a red smoking netbook that i dont need because i already have a redilicioud laptop that still serves me well. But the urge was so great that i bought it almost instantenously.

Sold it online 1 week later at a much lower price. That is what happened when you don't think.

Then, comes the influence from my close friend that as ladies, we should really start 'taking care' of ourselves. So, there comes a whole loads of stuffs from BodyShop (mind you these things dont come cheap) and various which covers the whole range of bodycare products that i am dead sure i wont use, but still buy anyway. 3 months later ,the items are all still very much lonely lying on my drawer.

After which, came one of my most complex, heavy, long term, addiction ever. Something that will keep me committed, ground to the floor for many years to come. Enrolling on my MBA.

I wanted to do it so badly that i pushed my application through despite the application date being closed. Life has changed since. Going for classes after a long, tiring, challenging and mind exhausting day at work really takes a whole lot of discipline and perseverance from my end. I wont lie, i admit the thought of just quitting crossed my mind more than once. But i know i'll make it. How i know? I just do. Thats what you do when you take that leap of faith. You persevere.

Now, the reason of this post in the first place.. Introducing my latest addiction- hitting the gym.

I was already thinking about enrolling in Celebrity Fitness but now, now now, we shouldn;t get over excited rite? We've learned our lessons rite? So this time I'll take it easy. Start from the office gym first. But before that, i'll need to get my gears ready. *GRINS* Keep you guys posted of the 'damage' later. Going out now!

The Anyway Friend

WARNING: MASSIVE AMOUNT OF WORDINGS AHEAD.

So i am back to PJ after 5 days and 4 nights in Malacca. What can i say? It was nice to get out of town sometimes, but being home feels great too.

One of the days when i was there, i happen to watch an episode of Private Practice. One of my favorite out of my strings of favorites night TV with the likes of Grey's Anatomy, The Fringe, Gossip Girls and the latest addition- Life Unexpected. So back to the topic, there's this episode in Private Practice whereby Sam made this incredibly emotional wedding toast on the night of his teenage's daughter's wedding. (Well, she got preggers and the logical and right thing to do is to get married, no?) In his toast, Sam speech touches on him being an Anyway Friend to Maya (his teenage daughter).

So what exactly is an anyway friend? An anyway friend is someone who, no matter what is going on, no matter what you do, say or look like, they still love you anyway, they will still be your friend anyway.

I think I am lucky in a sense, for i have met a few anyway friend, who are capable of looking beyond the here and now, and still be my anyway friend. For an instance, if you are following my blog, you will know that I blog about myself and what happens to my life almost 90% of the time. I rarely blog about topics that are controversial or the ones i know could get me more hits. And if you're reading this, you're probably one of the few whom i revealed this personal blog of mine for you to read. You see, i do not really get why certain bloggers in the industry will wear revealing clothes, even to the extend of displaying photos of themselves in their inner wear. But in the end, they get hits. Wonderful hits. They get accepted into NuffNang, and they ended up getting paid a good sum of moolah for blogging. Sigh. How much has the world changed. So back to my point, (you see its very easy to get distracted when I get into discussion topics like this) i maintain this blog, or should i say i try to update every chance i get or when time allows, but the truth is, there was a point in my life that i stopped blogging completely! Nada, zero, elek, kosong entries! But, years / months later, when i started blogging back.. i have my anyway friends who commented on my posts!. This could only mean one thing, they were following it all along. I'm guessing they were dropping by my blog every now and then to check out if i have posted any new entries, and that my friend, its like a huge stroke to my ego self. Man, it felt good. To feel wanted. That i have anyway friends who despite my blog being completely comatose, still bears a hope that it will wake up one day.

And then, there is the workplace. Where we spend more than 11 hours everyday- for the rest of our lives, unless you happen to strike a lottery and retire by the age of 30 or you can always consider conning a guy and get married and enjoy the ala desperate housewives lifestyle (why.. my choice or my lack of choice of word- conning..?) perhaps, an early retirement might be the option. But for 80% of us normal human beings, the workplace will be our so called 'main' home. Where we'll shed many tears of joy, pain, hard work, disappointment and what not. Office politics can be so tiring at times. I am still struggling to accept the fact that being hardworking alone is not sufficient to bring you up the ladder. It takes more than that. It takes you being good at networking, choosing the right words, being at the right place at the right time, knowing the right people, ensuring you get your ass covered at all times and the credit of your work doesn't go to waiting prey who is always on the go to pounce on you the second you let your guard down (how skeptic, but its true) and also working for the right superior who will recognize you for a job well done and also sees you for the person you are and mold you to the person you are capable to be in future. I am still on this steep learning curve everyday. People say never to underestimate the power of visualization. Everyday before i go to work, i visualize that today will be a good day, a day that will be productive , smooth and i will be happy at work. I've only started visualizing so its too early to comment on how true the statement goes, but things seems to be looking good, perhaps you can give it a try too. But things have not always been looking this good. There was this period of time when just by looking at me you will realized that i have given up. Given up on climbing this corporate ladder which seems so difficult, perhaps it is because i haven't found the way yet. Or perhaps i had so much emotional baggage with me that clouded my ability to make a sound judgement. But at that time, i am fortunate to have my anyway friends who were there for me, to ensure i get out of the depression mood and start coming back on track. For that, i thank you my anyway friend , you will know who you are.

Then, i have to count my blessing for my childhood / schooling days friends whom i rarely meet,but whenever we do it still feels like old times. Friends whom i did not really keep in touch but will still meet up every now and then. Friends who i can count on, whom i know will definitely be there one day if i should ever need them to be. Friends who are your friends irregardless of how much salary you are earning now, friend who do not give a crap about your job position or try to take advantage of you due to your job nature, or friends who will be your friends anyway or anyhow.

As i go on writing this post, things are starting to get really emotional. I am quite a reserve person by nature. By saying that i mean i do not usually share my personal stuffs. And that is not always a good trait to have for by that, it only mean one thing - you are keeping it all bottled up inside. So i'm learning something new here.. i'm trying to embrace the power of sharing. So here goes, and i think this is the furthest i can ever go for sharing. I screw up big time in the beginning of this year or should i say 2 years ago (but i did not realized it then). I trusted the wrong person. You know whats even worst than finding out you have been cheated? Knowing you have been cheated but there's nothing you can do about it. You accepted it. I could not look myself in the mirror for a while because i was ashamed. Ashamed at the coward i grew up to be. Delaying and pretending the problem is not there so i would not have to confront it. I knew about doing the right thing like the back of my palm, but the question is do you have enough courage to actually do it? Ever felt you have sacrificed so much but in the end, you realized that it was all but a lie? Ever felt like you're the mayonnaise served alongside the main dish? You are not the main entrée. There's always another dish that seems to be more tongue watering than you. Yes, that was me. But not anymore. I would like to thank my parents for being my anyway friend at that time. They'll probably never read this, but i have to thank them. They were there for me like this really strong and solid pillar of strength who pulled me out of the denial state that i was i was so very much in. Despite my wrong judgement, they were still there for me anyway. Regardless of how stupid i have become. But, with this experience, i takeaway with me a good learned lesson. A lesson learned the hard way, but worth more than any money in the world can buy. I am a much happier person now. I have to admit i am still quite bitter about the past, but i am sure i can look somewhere within this body of mine for a forgiving bone so that i can completely forgive you, the person whom i once trusted but almost break me to a point that is beyond repair. If you are ever reading this, no i have not forgiven you, but i will try to- someday.

Now on a lighter note, while reading this, if anyone appears in your mind, congratulations for you have found your anyway friend. I wish that everyone of us will have an anyway friend by their side. The world has enough of hate going on , it needs more love! Wont you feel safer knowing that no matter what happens, someone will be there, to be your shoulder to cry on, for you to lean on? Our lives would be so much happier! I am thankful for i think i have found another anyway friend but this time, it will be for life. And i hope you will know that i can be your lifetime anyway friend too. All you have to do is open up your heart and i'll be there. :D

Now and forever

I always wanted to write a post about us, but never really gotten to it because i was always looking for the right words, the right feeling or the right moment. But then i realized that there will never be a right moment. It will be right, when i feel it is. And tonight, as i am listening to you broadcasting on air, playing all my favourite songs, my heart almost melted- faster than an ice cream cone.

There's this old photo of us posted on facebook a couple of days back. How different we were back then. Our days usually involved you teasing me or us quarelling. Our typical conversation of us :

Example 1:

Kent: Wow, i had this really good food the other day...

Me: Half expecting him to offer to bring me there...

Kent: You know what? *i'm half expecting at the other end*.. I should probably blog about this! :D

Example 2:

While in the car, on the way to UTAR PJ..

Me: Ooh!! My favourite song is on air! Pls dont change the station now..

Kent: Really? You really like it?

Me: (Oblivious to what is about to happen) Yes... I love it!

Kent: Okay, we're changing it then! :D

Thats how it used to be..

But looking at us now. 4 years later, we're the same person as we were 4 years back. You were my best friend now as much as you were back then. I love you so much that it spills over. I think i can love you so much that in many years to come, i would still have so much leftover. When i needed to tell someone the good and bad things that happened to me in a given day, you're the first person i think about. I draw strength from you as you are as solid as a rock, your calm judgements and your ability to peel every situation layer by layer and analyse it thoroughly. I admire your quick thinking and your ability to click with almost every new people you meet. When we are together, everything feels right in place and i feel safe- almost to a point that i feel i have no worries or burden. The peaceful feeling that i was so hungry for all the while is finally here for my taking. You inspire me daily and you push me forward. You keep telling me i can achieve more than what i have today, and i believe you. You always put my happiness in front of your own. Sometimes i quietly wonder what have i done right to deserve you? I am alot of things. But i am not alot of things either. I am not as patience, sensitive or caring as i think i should be. Most times, you are much more sensitive towards things and caring than i could ever be. But with you by my side, i know things will only get better. I love you dear, and i look forward to more days spend together with you.

I'm yours

You touch these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap you thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

You heeled these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
The day news came my best friend died
My knees went week and you saw me cry
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
I know I don't fit in that much
But I'm yours

Picture Perfect

I can get used to days like these.

Quiet weekends watching dvds, movie night-outs, dinner with the family, work talks, night classes- everything i need is right here now.

Furry Creatures

Hello . I'm a freakin Alpaca, just in case you're wondering.

I'm a smaller version of my brother, the Ilamas. Unlike my brothers who are breed to carry heavy stuffs.. i'm well basically bred for my bulu-bulu or some High quality english wool. Ooooohhh sounds expensive. lol.

Dont ask me, i have no idea what i am either! *Go figure yourself*

Gone were the days where being cute alone is more than enough!!! pfft!

Some manipulative kangaroo.

Like this? Me tooooooooo!! *wet dreamy eyes*

Now where do this cute fellas live?

Nestled in the foothills of Tamar Hills, Australia, lies Tasmania Zoo, the largest wildlife zoo in Tasmania!! Did i just hear you scream??? No?? Okay that was me!!

Sigh. I want to go. T.T

Hello vain :)

I'm over at JB this weekend! :D I heart this place, it feels right.

But if there's only 1 bit that i'm finding it hard to adjust to is.... everybody here freaking speaks chinese!! sigh... well, its the 2nd day, and i still thought that i am managing it just fine with my broken mandarin until this afternoon.

warning---> vain pictures ahead.

All i intended to was to get a trim. But with my broken mandarin, i accidentally, unconsciously, unwillingly somehow agreed to cut my hair this short instead. oh well, at least Mr.Chan likes it, and he better not be layan-ing me only! =.="

The hairstylist was a sweet heart, but me and him? can really not communicate. The whole conversation that took place was him speaking really fast in chinese and with me nodding my head, with the few occasional uh huhs & okays. shy* no wonder before he start to cut he asked me, "are you sure you wanna do this? how long it took you to keep until this length?" fml- i should have seen all the signs... T.T kns.

So there you go, new look for the year. gotta run now, its about time to drive down to Sutera Mall to pick him up! :D

Back!

I iz happih eu iz back. :)

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Days like this..

I hope it never ends.

R.I.P

I bought you both at a pet shop along the streets of Petaling. White Pearl was your breed. Its better to buy in pair, the pet shop guy said. That way, they will not get bored. You kept me company when i was alone. You entertained me during the times when i was down. You filled up the gaps when i was lonely and needed a channel to distract myself and to keep me occupy. You were the last piece of my past and somehow that makes it hard to say goodbye. I remembered why i never named any of you. I didn't want to grow attached. But somehow along the way i did. I was always on the verge of giving you away but i never did actually meant it. And now, you both are gone. Rest in peace my little guys. I will miss you.

"Sometimes its better to loved and lost, than to never love at all."

i iz in trouble.

Note to self

I believe that the harder you push your limits, the further you'll get to where you want to be.

Spread them wings, for your time has come to fly.

It's not how good you are, its how good you want to be. And while you're working towards that goal, stay happy.

We need more of this.

Not a happy chick.

One half me, the other half you.

See this guy above? He iz Shakespeare. And he iz a hopeless romantic. Some of his femes quotes are.. "I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest". Beautifool aint it?

Alright, imma gonna try my hands on it too.. so here goes:

I love you even when you're with your checked shirt & crocs. 2 of the things i dislike the most. Heck, i'll even shop around to get you one. (:

I love you even when you tell me you love me not cuz i'm beautiful. (seriously, kent chan.. what were you thinking? )

I love you so much it made cupid cried.

Now to seal the deal..... i made you this collage when i'm having fever while you're vacationing away at Penang.

See that Shakespeare? Beat that.

The week that was.. in pictures

Thoughts

I believe that if I am totally comfortable with where i am and what i am doing now, i am not pushing myself hard enough, and thus limiting my potentials and how far i could actually go. But I also believe that if i am comfortable with my current life, wtf make it harder?

I used to believe that if I am perfectly happy and when things are going well with my life, i must have overlook something. But now i realized that it is not something that is impossible and that i too, deserve to have it.

When i was a very young person, i used to dream of fairy tale endings, perfect weddings with churches, beautiful white gowns & bull dogs in tuxedos, used to believe that everyone is a good person with good intentions, that love should be unconditional and you must put yourself out there. But then, the world i though i knew did not turn out exactly how i imagined it to be.. and then i stopped dreaming. But now, my long held thought and decision seemed to be challenged day by day and i am beginning to allow myself to dream a little bit more each time.

I sometimes lay awake at night and wonder how ironic life is. How we are always looking for something out there which we conveniently thinks must be better than whatever is within our reach now. And then we make ourselves travel and circle one big round to seek for it only to find that the best of things were all along just right next to us.

August 2008 had been the most difficult time in my life. Although it took me quite a while to gather all my courage, i am finally someone i can be proud of in February 2010. I can finally let go of all the emotional baggage and start life, the right way. Have not looked back ever since.

I feel that i am not where i am supposed to be now. I can take in more. I do however still believe that this will change as it is just a matter of time and opportunity. I however will stick by my belief that i will only succeed by having my conscience clear, no matter how tempting things can be at times to just take the easy way out.

I acknowledge that i am not always an easy person to be with and i can be difficult at times. It must have been difficult for you.

I believe that one could not go wrong if their actions/ thinkings are always based on good intentions. And this belief, has never changed.

I iz a chef today!

Clockwise from top left:

(Stir fried organic cabbage with garlic and dried praws, grilled salmon marinated with italian herb and salt, herbal eggs & the final piece + chicken sausages)

This is me today --->

Gave my culinary skills a test today and got myself to cook a simple lunch for two.

Outcome? Hmm.. i think its alright for someone who has not cooked for the past 2 years.

7 findings after the lunch cook-out today:

1. Salmon is a very difficult fish to cook. Its skin kept sticking on the pan and its meat was on edge of breaking apart! Bought 2 slices of salmon, but end up with 1 and a few bits and pieces. Salmon, whyyyy?

2. It takes a lot of effort to cook just a simple lunch. From the ingredient shopping to washing and slicing and marinating and stir frying right up to cooking the rice! phew* its even harder than work!

3. Always buy extra ingredients when you are a first timer. For my case, portions for 2 became 1. Dont ask why, you know.

4. Frozen food is very handy. If you feel you dont have enough dishes, just throw in some sausages , better still some scramble eggs!

5. It is a tiring process. Cant imagine doing this everyday. Salute to housewives around the world.

6. Your partner will usually say it taste good and gives you words of encouragement. Despite the vegetable is too salty or the salmon taste a tad bit weird. :D common, they had to right? teehehe..

7. Kitchen is really not a place I can shine. T.T To my future kids, I'm so sorry.. but McD taste good, no?

Cheers to a good lunch, probably more because of the company than the food.. hehe

Crossed

Me

Me to You

You

Its times like this that i want to avoid..